Red Sox Nation is under siege. People from our southern border are crossing in vast numbers, refusing to pledge allegiance to the nation of red stockings. They come without the proper documentation of a cap with a large “B” on it. They instead arrive from the south with alien caps that have a “NY” logo.
They are a cagey bunch calling themselves Yankees. A Yankee is a New Englander. Knickerbockers they may be, but not Yankees! We know for a fact that these so-called Yankees take drugs. They have no sense of culture or history. How many times have they torn down their stadium in the last 50 years?
Fenway Park is in the Athens of America. Yes, folks, these illegals come from New York and take places in our fine colleges. They even come to our Fenway Park and occupy seats, thus denying local citizens of their birth-given right to watch our team. These seats are constitutionally reserved for the citizens of Red Sox nation.
The interlopers refuse to pay taxes to the state by keeping their NY license plates but send money (that rightfully belongs here) home to their less fortunate relatives across the border.
Long ago, our sister state to the south, Connecticut, realized this threat. The Connecticut State Police were authorized to stop any NY registered car on its way north along the interstates and issue large fines or imprisonment. We citizens of Red Sox Nation applaud the fine work of the Connecticut border patrol, but it has proven ineffectual. Thousands of people from New York come across our borders every day. We need stronger measures.
I propose we deputize every usher and vendor at Fenway Park to weed out these undesirables. “NY” lettering on any article of clothing will result in automatic deportation. Closer scrutiny will be required of someone who orders a bagel with lox or a schemer. Obvious linguistic slip-ups such as ordering a Nathan’s Dog rather than a Fenway Frank will require detention and interrogation. Anyone ordering Manhattan clam chowder will be pilloried on Boston Common. Citizens of Red Sox Nation, we must act to protect life as we know it and protect our rights, our children, God and country, from this invading alien horde. Act now.